


Can't Kill Hope

by AllFuckedUpOnLove



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x09, Coda, Drabble, Episode: s15e09 The Trap, F/M, He Loves Eileen, He Misses Eileen, Hope, Sad Sam Winchester, Saileen - Freeform, Selfies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:07:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22297567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllFuckedUpOnLove/pseuds/AllFuckedUpOnLove
Summary: After Eileen decides to leave the bunker, Sam contemplates what the future holds for them.
Relationships: Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Can't Kill Hope

It wasn’t real until the door slammed shut and the silence settled around him. She was gone. Of course it was all too good to be true, he saw it coming. He knew that this fantasy was bound to come crashing down, he just thought they’d have a little more time.

Given the circumstances, Eileen was just trying to do what was best, and Sam understood that. She didn’t want to be a pawn in God’s plan to torture him, and he didn’t want to see her being controlled again. So they agreed, as much as it hurt the both of them, going their separate ways was the best option for the time being.

Sam checked in with Dean and Cas, debated joining them for a drink, but decided against it. Too afraid he’d down a whole bottle. Instead, he made his way back to his room, feet dragging across the floor. He shut his door and sank into his bed. It felt too empty. Too cold. The other side missing the body that had come to occupy it. 

It took everything in Sam not to pick up his phone and call her. He lent her one of their many spare phones, since Chuck decided to smash hers. He just wanted to make sure she was ok, that she hadn’t run into trouble, but he knew he needed to keep his distance. He kept reminding himself that she wasn’t dead. She was still here, she just had to go away for a while. She’d be okay.

To calm his nerves, he pulled up a picture of them on his phone. It was from the night they drank too many margaritas. Eileen had a shocked look on her face, and Sam was laughing because he had slipped an ice cube down the back of her shirt. He swiped to the next one, and it was the both of them cracking up. They looked so happy. He couldn’t remember the last time he felt that way.

As he looked through the rest of the pictures, he had to fight the tears that were pooling in his eyes. The only thing that kept him from falling apart was hope. Despite Chuck’s plan to drive the very force from his body, he had to hope that she would find her way back to him. He was sick of always losing the ones he loved, and damn it, he deserved a small piece of his elusive happy ending.

Usually he’d feel selfish for even entertaining the thought, but after saving the world for most of his life, he figured he was owed a little entitlement. After Jess, and Amelia, and every other attempt at a normal life having slipped through his fingers, he just wanted one thing to make him feel like a regular person.

One thing that didn’t involve guns, or silver bullets, or archangels. One thing that didn’t involve watching someone he cared about die. One thing that didn’t place the fate of the universe on his shoulders.

That one thing was Eileen.

Sam knew he’d probably never be able to leave the life, but with her, it felt like he could make a pretty damn good one for himself. She was a full breath of air after years of having the wind knocked out of him. She understood. 

They had a connection that he could only dream about finding. She was smart, funny, sweet, ready to make fun of his sign language at any given moment. When he kissed her goodbye, he knew for sure that she was the one. 

What they had was real, so despite the odds being stacked against him, and the ache in his chest telling him it would be easier to just let go, he held onto that vision of his future. He held on tight to that hope.


End file.
